Reading Time: 3 min
A smooth ride doesn’t necessarily mean a smooth road.
Underneath a car, shock absorbers are constantly working. They take the bumps so that very little of the road reaches the people sitting above them.
The better they work, the easier it becomes to forget the road was ever rough.
People can become remarkably good at doing something similar.
One version of this gets called people-pleasing.
Saying yes when no might disappoint someone. Anticipating what others need. Softening disagreement. Taking something on rather than having an uncomfortable conversation about who should.
People-pleasing is often described as a need for approval. But perhaps sometimes it is also a way of creating predictability.
If I keep you happy, conflict becomes less likely. If I anticipate what you need, disappointment becomes less likely. If I remain useful, perhaps the relationship feels safer.
At work, many of these behaviours can become genuine strengths.
The person who catches what others miss becomes dependable. The person who steps into gaps becomes helpful. The person who senses tension and makes collaboration easier becomes someone others naturally turn to.
There is nothing inherently wrong with any of this. But strengths can sometimes make other things less visible.
Imagine two people receiving the same difficult deadline.
One raises a concern. A conversation follows about priorities, capacity and expectations.
The other finds a way to make it work. They rearrange a few things, put in some extra effort and deliver.
Both responses may be entirely reasonable. But they create different information.
In the first, the constraint becomes visible.
In the second, it may not need to.
Someone has absorbed it. This happens in small ways at work all the time.
A colleague remembers the detail nobody owns. Someone quietly connects two teams. Someone anticipates the problem before anyone needs to ask. Someone senses tension and smooths the conversation before it becomes difficult.
Often, that is simply good work.
But there is a strange consequence of becoming very good at absorbing friction:
Eventually, people stop feeling the bumps.
Not because the road became smoother.
Because someone became exceptionally good at absorbing the impact.
No one has to be doing anything wrong for this pattern to emerge. The person may genuinely want to help. Others may genuinely appreciate what they bring.
And perhaps that is precisely why it can be difficult to notice.
When someone consistently delivers, adapts and makes things easier for everyone around them, their extra effort can quietly become part of how work normally gets done.
The organisation learns that the deadline is manageable.
The team learns that the gap gets filled.
Other people learn that the difficult conversation may not be necessary.
Until one day, that person stops absorbing quite so much.
And suddenly, the bumps become visible again.
So instead of asking:
Why do they always say yes?
Perhaps we should ask:
What becomes visible if they stop?
Because sometimes, the easiest person to work with is doing the hardest work to keep it that way.
~ Megha.
OutoftheBurn. Ambition with Ease.
